Tag Archives: Friendship

Being Beautiful

9 Jan


I recently discovered beautyredefined.net. Perhaps some of you have already heard of this jewel, maybe I’m the last one to hear of it- this wouldn’t be the first time. I live under a rock. I read through a lot of the pieces posted to the site, specifically a brilliant article about ditching resolutions. Well not necessarily all resolutions, but any that have to do with your weight or how you look.


After I read this article it really got me thinking. I had a lengthy conversation with my boyfriend about some of the issues brought up in the article. Women overly think of themselves as items for viewing. I know that sounds radicle and out there, but think about it. We greet each other often by commenting on how great we look, how cute our hair is, whether or not we look like we’ve lost weight, how amazing some new outfit is. More often than not we focus on our looks even when we address each other.


I’m not a man, but I have a feeling that their encounters with each other don’t mirror those listed above. I somehow doubt they frequently comment on one another’s new haircut or tan. Here’s an example- over the holidays I got my bangs cut. It’s a big deal, completely changes how your face looks. Am I right? I’m always excited and apprehensive when I get any haircut, but especially when I take a pair of scissors to my bangs. Clearly I was a little nervous about returning to New Orleans and hearing what my friends and yes my boyfriend thought of my new do.

Well here’s exactly what happened. I spent an entire day with my boyfriend; he did not notice the haircut. When I pointed out the bangs he blamed his lack of recognition on the fact that my hair was up all day… which obviously has no effect whatsoever on my bangs. Alternatively, when I got home the next afternoon the first thing my female roommate said to me involved a comment on how cute my new bangs looked.

My point in this anecdote, which is by no means representative of all female-male interactions, is that there was a major difference. One interaction ignored appearance entirely, while the other one was almost completely focused on it.

I’ve realized that this anecdote is representative however of almost all of my interactions with my boyfriend. What’s more is I’ve noticed that I have become more relaxed about my appearance when I am around him. Alternatively, when I go to hang out with my female friends I stress more over what I’m wearing and how I look. When our conversations reflect our appearance, even in positive ways, we focus more and stress more over how we look.

So, I have made a decision. This year my only new years resolution involving my looks is that I will no longer focus on them. I am going to try my best to refrain from making any comments about my own appearance, specifically negative ones  – i.e. pointing at various body parts and stating that I need to go to the gym, a frequent comment that escapes my mouth. I also want to refrain from remarking too much on the appearance of others.

How great would it be to have relationships that in no way involve how we look? Relationships that focus on our shared histories and stories, our sense of humor, our intelligence. Those are the relationships I want to surround myself with this year. That’s my new years resolution.


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